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In hopes of limiting harm to my church incident to its decision on same-sex weddings, I’m imagining characteristics of the decision and of the opposition, and the consequences thereof – the dynamics of the controversy as it might evolve. In the short run, the church might decide either way, to prohibit or to allow such weddings.
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Eventually, my church will surely allow them, as will most churches, because extending rights, protections and respect beyond ones tribe is consistent with the golden rule, the good Samaritan, the great commandment, Micah 6:8, Hebrews 13:2 and Matthew 25:35-40. In implementing these lessons, it helps to imagine oneself as the other person or as an objective well-wishing observer. Moreover, marriage is good for public health and social order, as well as happiness from companionship and from safely satisfying primitive drives with a loving and helpful mate.
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About 15 years ago, my church’s most prominent member belittled and berated me for celebrating advancements in LGBT rights in a Letter to the Editor. As an athlete himself, he should have known that I couldn’t enjoy success on a field tilted to my advantage with referees calling fouls in my favor. Also, my Second-Sunday-Singalong banjoist left in anger. Long, mutually beneficial relations may not survive this issue.
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Judging from informal surveys, most of my contemporaries will oppose LGBT weddings in the church – based on scripture, personal taste, preference for like-minded company (tribalism), and evidence that liberalism poisons churches. Those contemporaries led lives of integrity and kindness. They supported good causes with their time, treasure, sweat and blood. In their declining years, they deserve to be content with their righteousness and to see the church they built remain healthy and hospitable to them. To protect their contentment, I didn’t join the retirees club.
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I believe my anti-LGBT-wedding contemporaries should acquiesce when they see that LGBT weddings will happen at our church in the foreseeable future. Trying to prevent the inevitable will harm the institution and their places in it. They should take comfort in the fact that they needn’t witness any wedding that they don’t approve of. Now that most Americans and their government approve of same-sex weddings, our church can conduct them without getting the feared liberal reputation. They should recognize that their reasons for prohibiting LGBT weddings cannot justify humiliating LGBTs.
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If my anti-LGBT-wedding contemporaries win, the consequences might be worse for them than acquiescence. Many younger and more energetic members disappointed with that win might leave, showing that more conservatism in church than in society might be toxic. Others might stay and continue lobbying for same-sex marriage, reducing the overall gladness titre. All that strife for a temporary delay.
*
On life’s final glide-path, I contemplate purpose, meaning and value, what matters enough to care about and work for. I still hope to discover something enlightening and to share something beautiful. I hope to make choices that contribute to a less harmful, less painful, less fearful, less hateful, more just and happier society – a nobler civilization. That civilization would be inclusive. Read the scriptures cited above.
